Don't Be a Tool

Hey everyone,

I wasn’t able to put these out every week like I did last year, I’ve just been way too busy with family stuff to put the time into it. So I decided to do a “What I Learned” end of the season edition.

Arizona Cardinals: Larry Fitzgerald was able to debunk the Madden curse, right up until the end of the season when we all needed him most, thank god he was still able to score TDs for us. Beanie Wells could be a very good player, he just might have to go Tanya Harding on Tim Hightower to get the chance to show it. I’ll be very interested to see where Boldin ends up next season, I don’t see any way that they can keep him under is current pathetic contract and expect him to not throw another fit about it. Either pay the guy or trade him already.

Atlanta Falcons: Looks like Michael Turner wasn’t able to avoid the curse of 370 after all. I think he’ll be better next year, but he certainly won’t be a first rounder next draft. People in shallow keeper leagues will have a tough choice with him as well. Roddy White’s end of the year numbers will look impressive, but he has the feel of Chad Johnson circa the 2006 and 2007 seasons.

Baltimore Ravens: Troy Smith asked to be traded, that’s funny right there. Any bets he lands in Oakland? I, like many others, will be praying that Willis McGahee is gone next year. Ray Rice was incredible this year, but if McGahee is gone he could put up Chris Johnson type numbers. Will Derrick Mason stick around for another year? After the season he’s had I think he just might. If they get Flacco another option (see Boldin, Anquan above) to pair with Mason he could be a top 8 QB next year.

Buffalo Bills: Hopefully whoever they get to coach their team makes it a point to install Fred Jackson as the starter. Firstly he’s a more explosive player, and secondly he doesn’t have the jacked-up grill that Lynch has. Sorry Bills fans, but I think that your team is going to struggle for a while. No QB + no WRs = FAIL. At least their defensive secondary has a lot of promise. Where will Terrell Owens go from here? My money is on the Bears making a run at him.

Carolina Panthers: Goodbye Jake Delhomme, you made picking a weekly defense less of a gamble. I think he just threw another pick. The Williams/Stewart backfield will be back in full swing next year. They’ll get their o-line healthy and they should get an easier schedule than this year.

Chicago Bears: Jay Cutler is the Eeyore of quarterbacks. Seriously. Every time I see this guy on TV he looks like someone just told him that Santa Claus isn’t real. Maybe he’ll be better next year after they draft some help. What’s that? They gave up virtually ALL of their draft picks to get him? Oops. Matt Forte is definitely tops on my sh!t list. Last year I traded Chis Johnson for you in my keeper league, you slow, plodding bastard!!!!! Thank God I was able to unload you for Steven Jackson in week 6.

Cincinnati Bengals: They swept the AFC North. Really? Let that sink in people. It’s one thing to beat the Browns twice, but it’s an entirely different thing to beat the Steelers and Ravens twice each. As a Steeler fan I have to tip my hat to you. Cedric Benson may have revived his career with the Bengals, but after the interviews I’ve seen him give recently it’s clear that being cut and out of work for a time didn’t teach him humility, he’s just as arrogant as ever.

Cleveland Browns: Move along people, nothing to see here. Ok, maybe Jerome Harrison is worth keeping an eye on, but only if he can keep getting 30+ carries a game next year.

dallas cowboys: It’s spelled lower case on purpose folks. My hatred of the cowboys grew exponentially after the duo of Miles Austin and Jason Witten nearly erased my 45 point lead in my championship game. Now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, there’s no denying that Miles Austin deserves to be considered in the top 10-12 WRs next year. Any of you that were fortunate enough to be in the bottom of your league standings when he blew up really landed a gem off the wire. There’s also no denying that Roy Williams is nothing more than a WR5 next year.

Denver Broncos: Can someone please explain to me why Josh McDaniels hates Eddie Royal so badly? Royal’s second year has made Michael Clayton’s second year look like a success.

Detroit Lions: Their unofficial team motto, “We’ll Get ‘Em Next Year”!!! No, they won’t. Easily one of the worst defenses to ever take the field. What are the odds of them drafting another WR with their first pick? No, just kidding, they’ll probably take a RB.

Green Bay Packers: Aaron Rodgers is a tough SOB. It’s been painful watching him get crushed all year. It was like he and Ben Roethlisberger had a bet over who could get sacked more. I don’t know about your league’s scoring but Rodgers was the top QB in my league. It’s scary to think what he will do if they improve their o-line.

Houston Texans: Did Matt Schaub really play every game this year? That’s a hell of an achievement right there. I wonder who they’ll have at RB next year? I don’t think it will be Slaton, his nerve damage issue sounded pretty serious.

Indianapolis Colts: BOO!!!! BOO!!! Yes that’s me jumping on the bandwagon to boo the coaches for pulling the starters and letting the Jets win and throwing the whole damn AFC playoff picture out of whack. Looks like all the talk of Joseph Addai’s downfall were a bit premature. The guy played really well this year. Maybe he’s just one of those players that needs the threat of losing his starting job in order to play at a high level. Anthony Gonzalez, welcome back to the bench. Get comfy, because Garcon and Collie have already staked their claims.

Jacksonville Jaguars: Goodbye Jack Del Rio, hello Bill Cower? Maybe, but the threat of a lockout in 2011 is making teams a lot more cautious (e.g. John Fox, Carolina). I was right to believe that Maurice Jones-Drew would outperform Adrian Peterson this year. Even though he failed us a little toward the end of the season, I was happy to have him on my roster.

Kansas City Chiefs: Jamaal Charles looks like the real deal folks. I’d be thrilled to have him as my RB2 next year. Any bets on Dwayne Bowe showing up out of shape again next year? I won’t be drafting him as anything more than a WR3 on draft day.

Miami Dolphins: Ted Ginn Jr. is the Darius Heyward-Bey of his draft class, a fast guy that was drafted too high and can’t play the WR position very well. I like what I’m seeing from Chad Henne though, the kid isn’t afraid to chuck the ball.

Minnesota Vikings: Maybe they can get Tiki Barber to work on ball security with Adrian Peterson in the off-season. I’m putting the over/under at 4 months for the Brett Favre stay or go decision. If/when Favre leaves it will be a shame to see Percy Harvin and Sydney Rice wasting their talent with Tarvaris Jackson.

New England Patriots: Anything less than 10 catches is a down day for Wes Welker. Funny how everyone in fantasyland knew that Randy Moss is lazy when he knows he isn’t getting the ball, but the main stream media just barely found out in week 14.

New Orleans Saints: Can you imagine what Drew Brees would be able to do with a pair of WRs like Fitzgerald and Boldin? No offense to Colston and company, but THAT would be something special to watch.

New York Giants: In other news that the main stream media is just figuring out, Eli Manning isn’t very good in the 2nd half of the season. It’s one of the few things you can count on in football. That said, he’s gonna put up a bunch of points the first half of next season, those WRs he has are pretty damn good.

New York Jets: It’s funny how exited everyone got when Braylon Edwards arrived. It was like everyone forgot that there was a rookie QB there, and Braylon’s opposable thumbs only function 50% of the time. Next year will be Shonn Greene time, there’s just no way Thomas Jones can do it again. Is there?

Oakland Raiders: Hey Al Davis, remember that time you drafted Darius Heyward-Bay over Michael Crabtree, Percy Harvin, and Jeremy Maclin? Good times man, good times. Seriously though, they don’t have a shot at being good until Al Davis is out of the picture. There’s no way that Tom Cable WANTED to stick with JaMarcus Awful as long as he did, you just know that was Al Davis calling that shot.

Philadelphia Eagles: Maybe the talk of Donovan McNabb being done was a little premature. But then again, Kevin Kolb looked awfully good while McNabb was out. Just sayin’.

Pittsburgh Steelers: Santonio Holmes is the Anti-Eli Manning, he can only produce in the second half of the season. Mike Wallace is gonna be special, but not until Hines Ward retires. On a side note, if anyone ever makes a movie about Ben Roethlisberger I hope they get Will Ferrell to play him. Every time I see a close up of Ben with his helmet on it reminds me of Will Ferrell in Talladega Nights.

St. Louis Rams: Steven Jackson is good, now move along.

San Diego Chargers: Thanks for all those great years Mr. Tomlinson, but it’s time to step aside. He might still be able to be effective, but needs to accept a reduced role. Keep an eye on where Malcom Floyd ends up next season, the kid has big time skills.

San Francisco 49ers: I really like what they’re doing here. Solid defense and an emerging offense. Hopefully Alex Smith doesn’t regress again. Imagine how good Crabtree could have been if he hadn’t acted like such a tool with his contract holdout.

Seattle Seahawks: They sure are lucky the Rams are there to keep them out of last place in their division. Justin Forsett could be a really good RB for them, but for some reason teams refuse to give up on Julius Jones.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: As bad as they are I really like watching Josh Freeman play, the kid brings some excitement to the game. Other than that, I’m not really sure what else to say here.

Tennessee Titans: Who knew Vince Young could still play football? Not me that’s for sure. It’s well documented that I’m the doofus that traded Chris Johnson for Matt Forte in my keeper league last year, and I’m pretty sure that trade is the reason for his huge success this year. I hate myself for that trade more and more with every game.

Washington Redskins: Seriously, why would anyone want to coach there? I mean, you’re working for an owner that trades all his draft picks away for FAs every year, so it’s not like you can rebuild through the draft. And it’s also an owner that likes to micro manage his coaches (see Davis, Al above).

Well, that’s all I got folks. I hope you enjoyed reading it. If you were fortunate enough to win a championship this year (like me!) then I congratulate you. And if not, then better luck next year. Remember, no amount of planning can make up for the fact that winning in our little game has as much to do with luck as anything else. As evidence of this there is a guy in my league that has Adrian Peterson, Wes Welker, Randy Moss, Brandon Marshall, and Donovan McNabb. Luckily he was eliminated in the semi-final round (week 15) when his team fell apart so I didn’t have to face him in the championship.

Maybe the Cowboys should practice their tackling technique this week. Giving up 70+ yard rushing plays to one RB is embarrassing enough, let alone two different RBs.
Congrats to Baltimore Mike, I know that you were as happy as I was when my Steelers beat the Cowboys.

DeAngelo Williams. Could he go first overall next season? Then there’s Derrick Ward. Will he be next season’s Michael Turner when he leaves the Giants?

The Eagles played the Redskins, other than that there wasn’t much to see here.

I think that getting benched has really helped motivate Tarvaris Jackson … the guy actually looks like an NFL QB now. Plus he matched Adrian Peterson yard for yard in the running game!

Brett Favre, you really need to hang ‘em up old friend.

Marshawn Lynch left the game after aggravating his shoulder, and Fred Jackson went on to have a great day. Remember when Emmitt Smith jacked up his shoulder years ago and still finished the game? Maybe you could learn something from that Mr. Lynch, and this is coming from a guy that thinks Smith isn’t even in the top 10 all time RBs.

Houston @ Oakland, there are a lot of people from this game that I’m hating today. Schaub, Andre Johnson, and Steve Slaton, you are all dead to me today. I’m sure I’ll recover in time for the draft next season, but you all cut me deep. Real deep.

Raise your hand if you started LaMont Jordan this weekend. Yea, I didn’t think so. Now raise your hand if you benched Matt Cassell because of the Blizzard (raises hand, sheds a tear).

Gosder Cherilus, I have an extra special hatred for you. Calvin Johnson had a TD taken away because you are so incompetent that you can’t even line up where you are supposed to. I’ll be pulling for two things to happen next week. Drew Brees to break Marino’s record, and the Lions to lose their last game.

Chad Pennington, you’d better go off against the Jets next week. All season long you’ve been proving that they made a mistake in signing Favre and releasing you, it’s your time to shine. Raise your hand if you benched Thigpen because they were reporting that the wind chill was going to be like -20 (raises hand, sheds another tear).

Did you ever think that you’d see the Chargers throw up 41 points and Tomlinson wouldn’t have at least ONE score? Yea, me neither. Ok, I’ll say it, Antonio Bryant looks like he’s for real, but it will be really hard for me to draft him next season. Vincent Jackson on the other hand will be easy for me to draft. Raise your hand if you benched Phillip Rivers because he was facing the “staunch” Bucs defense (raises hand, gets a tissue).

Anyone think that the Rams will be able to turn things around next season? Me either. It’s going to be hard for me to use a keeper pick on Steven Jackson next season. He’s always hurt, and I have a lot of great options.

In other news of things that didn’t go my way this weekend, my Steelers got thumped by the Titans. That’s all I’ve got to say about that.

Cedric Benson ran for 171 yards? Really? I didn’t think that he was capable of doing that in three games let alone one. Other than Benson there really wasn’t much to see here.

Ok, this week it wasn’t so much what I learned as who I learned to hate. That list includes Matt Schaub, Andre Johnson, Marshawn Lynch, Anquan Boldin, Gosder Cherilus, the Jets defense, Steven Jackson for a year of frustration, and most of all … myself for benching so many players that went off this weekend. I hope all of you fared better than I did. Good luck to those of you foolish enough to be playing for a championship next weekend.

I want to nominate Romo, Witten, and T.O for the academy award for their performance on the sideline acting like they were all smiling and buddies again. Tashard Choice looks like a stud in the making. I think that he looks much better than Felix Jones, and Jones will probably be relegated to returning kicks next season.

I know that the Broncos defense has been better of late, but how the hell did they limit the duo of Williams/Stewart to less than 100 yards apiece?

The Pats proved just how feeble the Raiders are by having 5 (five) different players score TDs on offense. They even threw in a kick return TD just to make sure they left no doubt.

I knew that I should have started Hines Ward. Every year I’ve had him on my team I’ve won the championship, and I had a feeling that he was going to have a good game, but I didn’t have the guts to start him. The Steelers need to get their running game going or they are going to have a hard time in the playoffs.

The Vikings “staunch” pass defense shut down the Cardinals, while Uber stud QB Tavaris Jackson dropped 4 TDs on the Cards defense. What did I just say?

Remember when a Sand Diego/Kansas City game meant watching two elite RBs duke it out? LT really doesn’t look like LT. I don’t know what it is, but he may never be a top 5 RB again. I can understand his running ability dropping off, but I can’t understand why they aren’t using him on short passes anymore. Vincent Jackson on the other hand could be a top 15 WR next season, and with the emergence of Malcom Floyd, Chris Chambers could be expendable. Phillip Rivers put up numbers just to spite me for benching him.

Marshawn Lynch is another player that went off just because I benched him. He’ll probably drop into the 2nd round in drafts next season, where he could be a steal if the coaching staff ever decides to use him consistently. This just in, J.P. Losman still sucks.

Seattle trumped the Rams in the Toilet Bowl. Coach Haslet claims that Steven Jackson was dizzy late in the game. I can’t wait to hear what S-Jax has to say about that.

I don’t know what to say about the Miami/San Francisco game, so I won’t say anything.

We all better hope that Fred Taylor is out of the picture next season. MJD had a good game today, but over the course of a season he could do great things for fantasy teams if he’s getting all the touches. Dennis Northcutt blew up today. Really?

I’m REALLY glad that I took Andre Johnson as my WR1 this season, and that I’ll be able to keep him for the next 5 years. He single handedly made up for some of the bad choices I made (Robert Mathis and Ryan Grant) this weekend.

I’ve said it before, but the Lions really need to get a franchise QB to throw to Calvin Johnson. Orlovsky was good today, but I don’t think that he has anyone thinking that he is the QB of the future. Wait a minute, this is the Lions. They may actually think that he IS the QB of the future and then they will use the first pick in the draft on a kicker.

In other news that doesn’t make sense, the Bengals somehow managed to beat Washington. This is another game that I don’t have much to comment on (sorry folks, they can’t all the winners).

Mike Turner in the top 5 next season? I think so people.

Pierre Thomas will be a great value in the middle rounds next season. He’s a great receiver as well as a runner, so Reggie Bush’s value could take a major hit next season.

That’s all I’ve got this week, congratulations to all of us that made it to the championship. To the rest of you I say, sucks to be you! Good luck to everyone next weekend, except my opponents in both my leagues.