• The Picks - Al Davis is obviously insane.
• The Grades - Eagles are tops, Raiders… not so much.
• The Questions - You top 5 7th round picks.

• The Picks - Lyle and Brian share a special kinship
• The Ballshow - yes, Brian saw them
• The Rotoville - Sign up (http://rotoville.com)

• The News - T.O. to be released
• The Game - Brenda Warner, MILF?
• The Mail - Frett Barve?

• The News - TO Out in Dallas?
• The Game - The Cards should get up early.
• The Mail - Over/Under on Brenda Warner

• The Games - Yeah.. the Eagles Lost..
• The News - Brady’s knee
• The Mail - Toby rant

• The News - The Lions have a coach!
• The Games - Bird Bowl 2009!
• The Questions - Is Calvin Johnson the next Jerry Rice?

• The News - LT tore a groin
• The Games - Why can’t us?
• The Mail - Who the hell knows how to pronounce “Ben-Gurion”?

• The News - Lot’s of people resting.
• The Games - Away team favorites
• The Mail - Rotoville… Shhhhh!

• The News - Hightower still a starter?
• The Games - Suckbowl 2008
• The Questions - Cabbage!

• The News - “General Soreness” is now considered an injury.
• The Games - Ced Benson?
• The Questions - Keepers already…

DeAngelo Williams. Could he go first overall next season? Then there’s Derrick Ward. Will he be next season’s Michael Turner when he leaves the Giants?

The Eagles played the Redskins, other than that there wasn’t much to see here.

I think that getting benched has really helped motivate Tarvaris Jackson … the guy actually looks like an NFL QB now. Plus he matched Adrian Peterson yard for yard in the running game!

Brett Favre, you really need to hang ‘em up old friend.

Marshawn Lynch left the game after aggravating his shoulder, and Fred Jackson went on to have a great day. Remember when Emmitt Smith jacked up his shoulder years ago and still finished the game? Maybe you could learn something from that Mr. Lynch, and this is coming from a guy that thinks Smith isn’t even in the top 10 all time RBs.

Houston @ Oakland, there are a lot of people from this game that I’m hating today. Schaub, Andre Johnson, and Steve Slaton, you are all dead to me today. I’m sure I’ll recover in time for the draft next season, but you all cut me deep. Real deep.

Raise your hand if you started LaMont Jordan this weekend. Yea, I didn’t think so. Now raise your hand if you benched Matt Cassell because of the Blizzard (raises hand, sheds a tear).

Gosder Cherilus, I have an extra special hatred for you. Calvin Johnson had a TD taken away because you are so incompetent that you can’t even line up where you are supposed to. I’ll be pulling for two things to happen next week. Drew Brees to break Marino’s record, and the Lions to lose their last game.

Chad Pennington, you’d better go off against the Jets next week. All season long you’ve been proving that they made a mistake in signing Favre and releasing you, it’s your time to shine. Raise your hand if you benched Thigpen because they were reporting that the wind chill was going to be like -20 (raises hand, sheds another tear).

Did you ever think that you’d see the Chargers throw up 41 points and Tomlinson wouldn’t have at least ONE score? Yea, me neither. Ok, I’ll say it, Antonio Bryant looks like he’s for real, but it will be really hard for me to draft him next season. Vincent Jackson on the other hand will be easy for me to draft. Raise your hand if you benched Phillip Rivers because he was facing the “staunch” Bucs defense (raises hand, gets a tissue).

Anyone think that the Rams will be able to turn things around next season? Me either. It’s going to be hard for me to use a keeper pick on Steven Jackson next season. He’s always hurt, and I have a lot of great options.

In other news of things that didn’t go my way this weekend, my Steelers got thumped by the Titans. That’s all I’ve got to say about that.

Cedric Benson ran for 171 yards? Really? I didn’t think that he was capable of doing that in three games let alone one. Other than Benson there really wasn’t much to see here.

Ok, this week it wasn’t so much what I learned as who I learned to hate. That list includes Matt Schaub, Andre Johnson, Marshawn Lynch, Anquan Boldin, Gosder Cherilus, the Jets defense, Steven Jackson for a year of frustration, and most of all … myself for benching so many players that went off this weekend. I hope all of you fared better than I did. Good luck to those of you foolish enough to be playing for a championship next weekend.

• The News - Carson Palmer, out again this week.
• The Games - This is Detroit’s Week
• The Questions - The Perfect Score

• The News - Slaton robbed of the Pro Bowl
• The Games - What’s worse than tying the Bengals?
• The Questions - Mojo’s pearl necklace…

I know that the Broncos defense has been better of late, but how the hell did they limit the duo of Williams/Stewart to less than 100 yards apiece?

The Pats proved just how feeble the Raiders are by having 5 (five) different players score TDs on offense. They even threw in a kick return TD just to make sure they left no doubt.

I knew that I should have started Hines Ward. Every year I’ve had him on my team I’ve won the championship, and I had a feeling that he was going to have a good game, but I didn’t have the guts to start him. The Steelers need to get their running game going or they are going to have a hard time in the playoffs.

The Vikings “staunch” pass defense shut down the Cardinals, while Uber stud QB Tavaris Jackson dropped 4 TDs on the Cards defense. What did I just say?

Remember when a Sand Diego/Kansas City game meant watching two elite RBs duke it out? LT really doesn’t look like LT. I don’t know what it is, but he may never be a top 5 RB again. I can understand his running ability dropping off, but I can’t understand why they aren’t using him on short passes anymore. Vincent Jackson on the other hand could be a top 15 WR next season, and with the emergence of Malcom Floyd, Chris Chambers could be expendable. Phillip Rivers put up numbers just to spite me for benching him.

Marshawn Lynch is another player that went off just because I benched him. He’ll probably drop into the 2nd round in drafts next season, where he could be a steal if the coaching staff ever decides to use him consistently. This just in, J.P. Losman still sucks.

Seattle trumped the Rams in the Toilet Bowl. Coach Haslet claims that Steven Jackson was dizzy late in the game. I can’t wait to hear what S-Jax has to say about that.

I don’t know what to say about the Miami/San Francisco game, so I won’t say anything.

We all better hope that Fred Taylor is out of the picture next season. MJD had a good game today, but over the course of a season he could do great things for fantasy teams if he’s getting all the touches. Dennis Northcutt blew up today. Really?

I’m REALLY glad that I took Andre Johnson as my WR1 this season, and that I’ll be able to keep him for the next 5 years. He single handedly made up for some of the bad choices I made (Robert Mathis and Ryan Grant) this weekend.

I’ve said it before, but the Lions really need to get a franchise QB to throw to Calvin Johnson. Orlovsky was good today, but I don’t think that he has anyone thinking that he is the QB of the future. Wait a minute, this is the Lions. They may actually think that he IS the QB of the future and then they will use the first pick in the draft on a kicker.

In other news that doesn’t make sense, the Bengals somehow managed to beat Washington. This is another game that I don’t have much to comment on (sorry folks, they can’t all the winners).

Mike Turner in the top 5 next season? I think so people.

Pierre Thomas will be a great value in the middle rounds next season. He’s a great receiver as well as a runner, so Reggie Bush’s value could take a major hit next season.

That’s all I’ve got this week, congratulations to all of us that made it to the championship. To the rest of you I say, sucks to be you! Good luck to everyone next weekend, except my opponents in both my leagues.

• The News - Carson Palmer is out!
• The Games - Detroit will lose again!
• The Questions - Top of the muffin to ya!

• The News - Carson Palmer… Out?
• The Games - D.Williams!!
• The Questions - You’ll shoot your thigh out!

Arizona clinches the NFC West!!! That falls into the category of things I never thought that I’d hear. Remember Donnie Avery? What happened to him? Steven Jackson, I’m glad that I didn’t start you, and that I have enough talent on my team to leave you planted on the bench.

Anyone want to bet on what Brett Favre does this off season? Yeah, me neither. But he really isn’t helping the Jets all that much. David Harris finally showed up on the stat sheet for IDP leaguers, too bad nobody still has him on a roster.

Larry Johnson is NOT in fact able to put up 200 yards at will against the Broncos. Brandon Marshall finally stole the spotlight back from Eddie Royal.

Seneca Wallace had almost 260 total yards and 3 TDs? Against the Pats? Really? Cheatin’ Bill Bellichick should have his defense running wind sprints until Tuesday. It looks like Wes Welker is still paying Matt Cassell $100 per catch.

This just in, J.P Losman still sucks. As long as he’s starting Lynch will be looking at 8 man fronts. Remember last week when I said to keep an eye on Devone Bess? Well hopefully some of you picked him up.

I don’t know how high Roddy White will be drafted next year, but I wouldn’t be shocked to see him in the top 5. Even ahead of players like T.O. and Steve Smith. Reggie who? Just give Pierre Thomas the ball! I’m done talking up Matt Ryan. If you don’t know how good this kid is by now you don’t deserve to know.

CLEARLY Brian Westbrook is back and feeling great. Maybe the Giants DO need Burress. I saw Hixon drop one pass that was inexcusable.

To say that Ken Dorsey was awful would be an insult to all the awful QBs out there. Speaking of the draft next year, do you think that Braylon Edwards will be drafted as a top 20 WR? If this year proves to be a fluke the guy could be a major bargain. Chris Johnson. You and Steve Slaton are the ones making it so that I can bench Steven Jackson. Thank you.

I wonder where T.J. Houshmanzadeh will end up next year. Maybe Baltimore will take a shot at him. All it takes for Peyton Manning to have a good game is for him to play one of the worst teams in the league. I’d be concerned about Joseph Addai if I had him in a keeper league, very concerned.

Daunte Culpepper managed to complete all his passes to the right team today!!! Sorry Lions fans, just trying to give you something positive to take with you from the game. Thank God Calvin Johnson gets those deep passes. I don’t know how many times those bombs have saved me when I had him in my starting lineup.

I hate you Kevin Walter. You are always stealing yards and TDs from Andre Johnson when I need them most!!! But you aren’t reliable enough to start with confidence. Steve Slaton is another guy that I’m done talking up. The RB pool will be pretty deep at the draft next year thanks to him and the other rookie RBs that are tearing up the league.

That’s all I’ve got time for. The kids are crying, the wife is adding to my honey-do list as I type. Good luck to all of us who are still in the playoff hunt!

P.S. Did I mention that the Steelers beat the Cowboys?

• The News - Portis’ great, big, hurt neck
• The Games - How aboot Canada
• The Mail - Literally we got mail - Thanks MojoX!

• The News - Plax is out apparently
• The Games - Denver beat the Jets?
• The Questions - Vegas Baby!

Larry Johnson is hitting his stride just in time for the fantasy playoffs. Thigpen only had 162 yards passing and Tony Gonzalez had 110 of those yards. Maybe the Raiders should have put somebody on him?

Eddie Royal continues to be a more valuable WR in fantasy than Brandon Marshall, especially if you get return yardage. Teams are covering Marshall with 6 guys and leaving Royal alone.

Is it just me or did Michael Turner look extra motivated against his former team? Matt Ryan might be a top 5 fantasy QB next season, but you should be able to get him cheaper than that. Speaking of Ryan, he has to be glad that the Lions didn’t end up at the top of the draft board this year. I don’t know what is wrong with Tomlinson, but there has to be SOMETHING going on with him. Not only is he not producing, but they aren’t even using him.

It looks like Eli Manning can no longer be considered a bad play late in the season. Even last year he wasn’t worth starting in fantasy, but this season he’s putting up good numbers. Congratulations if you managed to pick up Dominik Hixon. The kid could really help you out as long as he doesn’t shoot himself in the leg. I hereby nominate Plaxico Burress for the jackass of the year award. He did nothing but whine about wanting a raise, then he got one and put up mediocre numbers and then shoots himself in the leg.

Guess what? Drew Brees is in fact human. And good luck deciding which of his WRs is going to go off each week. Jeremy Shockey is lucky Burress shot himself or the award would be heading his way.

The Colts offense was slowed by the STAUNCH Browns defense this week. Someone want to tell me how that happened? What a crappy game this must have been to watch, I’m glad it wasn’t on while I was at home! On a side note, maybe Ken Dorsey IS the answer in Cleveland. Yea, I don’t really think so either. The most interesting story coming out of Ohio will be waiting to see if Bill Cowher takes the job.

Hopefully Steven Jackson didn’t tweak his stupid thigh this weekend, he was looking good for a while. I could really use him during the playoffs. Not much else to say about this game. Keep an eye on Devone Bess. He had a good game and may be worth adding.

DeAngelo Williams … my God, what happened today? Beware, next week it will be Jonathon Stewart going off for 4 TDs. Ryan Grant, you are officially dead to me. I didn’t even start him, but I’ll be glad when the season is over and I no longer have to look at him on my roster.

I’m surprised that the Ravens didn’t let Ray Rice and Todd Heap throw touchdown passes against the Bengals. This was truly a men against boys game. How happy do you think Flacco is that the Lions passed on him for Gosder Cherilus?

Marshawn Lynch is also busting out just in time for the fantasy playoffs, and he has a good schedule. Plug him in and forget about him. Don’t forget to back him up with Fred Jackson if you haven’t already. If something were to happen to Lynch (knock on wood) Jackson could be pretty valuable.

It doesn’t matter who Forte is playing, he’ll find a way to get you points. Yet another start and forget option if you have him. Match-up proof, that’s what he is. I made the right move starting Berrian! I don’t care if all his points came from one play, I’ll take it.

It appears that it IS possible to keep the duo of Fitzgerald and Boldin under 100 yards. I didn’t think I’d see that this season, let alone both of them in the same game.

Yes, the Seahawks really are that bad. I wonder how they will look next year when Jim Mora Jr. takes over.

Yes the Lions really are that bad. Wait, I used that already. My God are they bad, maybe the worst team I’ve personally ever seen. They really may not win a game this year. Everyone said that about Miami last season, but at least Miami was in some close games. Jerry Jones should just step up and give Romo another raise, there’s no questioning what he means to that team.

Good luck on Monday everyone! I hope you all win your match-ups, or at least half of you anyway. I’ll be pulling for Andre Johnson to have a huge night so I can win the total points payday in my work league. Come on man! I need another one of your 120 yard, 2 TD nights!

• The News - Plax’s status uncertain
• The Games - Poor Detroit
• The Mail - Sinners and Saints

• The News - McNabb is a starter!
• The Games - The Titans Fall
• The Questions - Breasts-o-plenty!

If Anquan Boldin is still in Arizona next year I’ll be drafting him ahead of Larry Fitzgerald, it doesn’t matter who they play … Boldin is money.

So Clinton Portis is hurt huh? Yea, right. Sure he is. As far as the Seattle passing attack goes, move along, there is still nothing to see here.

Michael Turner is a BEAST, hopefully his career follows a different path than the last backup RB that left for a starting gig and put up a great year. Yes I’m talking about LaMont Jordan. Remember a few years ago when he was a top 5 back?

When the Raiders drop 31 points on you, you know that your defense SUCKS. What I don’t get is how the Broncos only manage 10 points. So much for Eddie Royal having a monster game. If anyone in your league rushes to plug Ashley Lelie into their starting lineup next week, point at them and laugh.

Culpepper and Stanton both sucked today, but somehow Calvin Johnson still had a good day. Just imagine how good he’ll be if/when they get a good QB there. I’m going to have a hard time not keeping him in my keeper league, but I’ll be using one of my first picks on him for sure.

MJD led the Jags in receiving this week, proving that he’ll get his one way or another. I wonder if Fred Taylor will retire or go where over the hill RBs go to finish out their careers (Arizona).

Counting the fake punt, FOUR different people attempted passes for the lowly Rams. Despite the fact that they have two wins, they really are the worst team in the league. Keeping Matt Forte in my keeper league will be the easiest decision I make, Steven Jackson on the other hand is going to be a tough choice.

I wonder if Tony Gonzalez is still mad that he wasn’t traded. The Chiefs passing attack is looking really good, and even though Larry Johnson isn’t getting many carries he’s having more success. They just need to get him involved in the passing game more. He’s proven to be a capable receiver in the past.

Congratulations to any of you that were desperate enough that you actually started Trent Edwards. Where the hell did this game come from?

Chris Johnson and LenDale White stunk it up for a 3rd straight week. Luckily they get to play the Lions this week, and Cleveland the following week.

Terrell Owens’ hatred of the 49ers was on full display this weekend. 7 catches for 213 yards? I guess the ‘9ers were selling out to stop Jason Witten.

Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson combined to put up horrific numbers. In PPR leagues Andre Johnson is really something else. I’m glad that I drafted him over Braylon Edwards this year.

The McNabb and Reid era looks to be over. McNabb was terrible today, and Reid doesn’t seem to have it anymore. Granted they were playing the Ravens, but even so this was a particularly bad game. Once again it was a different Ravens RB that led the way, stay away from this situation.

Matt Cassel could be an every week start the rest of the year, but you’ll feel a little sick every time you plug him in. Reports are that he wants a big contract next year, good luck with that Matt. After what happened to Derek Anderson this year the entire league will likely be gun-shy. Except the Raiders. If they’ll give Javon Walker the kind of money he got they might as well throw a suitcase of money at Cassel.

Something is wrong with the universe when the Steelers only manage ONE sack against the Bengals. Of course Fitzpatrick never took more than a 3 step drop. Good luck to those of you that own Willie Parker, at best you’re looking at a time share with Moore.

That’s all I got this week. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

• The News - 85 is 86′d
• The Games - Cle vs. Hou, highest scoring game all year!
• The Mail - Quadruple thick stacks of lovely!

• The News - Graham Done?
• The Games - A tie… Really? Ugh!
• The Questions - We get to them all!

Ronnie Brown owners have to be mad. He had a very good day, but didn’t manage to get either of the Dolphins rushing TDs. As far as the Raiders go, just move along, there really is nothing to see here.

What a lucky bunch the Bucs seem to be. Earnest Graham hurts his knee the week they get back Caddy. If Graham’s injury is serious … I don’t think they’ll have the luxury of sitting Caddy the next two weeks. Dunn looked good, but I don’t think he can carry the load for an extended period. Congrats to Gus Frerotte, he managed to complete all his passes to the right team this week.

Man, did the Giants ever make Ray Lewis eat his words this week. The Ravens didn’t fare any better against the Giants rushing than the previous teams. Baltimore also reinforced my belief that I want NOTHING to do with their running game.

Marques Colston may not quite be back to every week starter status just yet, and I should have listened to my gut and started Lance Moore. Larry Johnson looked good today, I think we can expect good things from him moving forward, provided he doesn’t beat any more women.

I thought Steve Slaton was “wearing down?” He didn’t look too worn out to me. I’m going to start praying for an early return for Schaub. Man, does their passing game ever need him back. The entire Colts offense got back on track today, everyone except Anthony Gonzalez that is. Sucks to be you dude.

I think Kevin and Lyle are the only people that didn’t catch passes from McNabb today, and I think they were targeted twice each. Westbrook clearly isn’t back yet, and I’m wondering if there isn’t something else wrong with him. How much do you think the Bengals will have to come up with to keep Housh there? Other than Franchising him, I don’t think he’ll stay there. By the way, how the hell did the Bengals keep the Eagles under 40 points? It doesn’t matter, I still think Lewis is a goner.

The Lions are bad, REAL bad. Really, really, bad. But even that doesn’t explain what Williams and Stewart did to them. Wow. And yet, somehow, the Panthers couldn’t get anything going on through the air. It’s a sad day when you’re outplayed by Daunte Culpepper, Mr. Delhomme. Kevin Smith ran well again today, and appears to be set to have a good career. Hopefully he doesn’t suffer the same fate that befell Kevin Jones.

You know a team’s running game is in dire straights when, A) they re-sign Tatum Bell, and B) they have SIX different people carry the ball in a game. The biggest surprise in this game was that somehow Matt Ryan didn’t throw a TD pass. Peyton Hillis could be worth a look if you’re desperate at RB. Two TDs and a 4.4 yards per carry aren’t too bad. At worst he’ll get the goal line carries.

As good as Brandon Jacobs is, I’m REALLY glad I traded him away for Anquan Boldin. The guy had his face destroyed and hasn’t missed a beat since returning. Maybe he can teach Steven Jackson some toughness. I said it before, the Cardinals were FOOLS for not signing him in the offseason. I don’t see how they will be able to afford him after the year he’s having. Anyone that has any Seahawks on their fantasy squads shouldn’t expect much the rest of the year. Sorry guys, they really look done.

Chris Johnson let a lot of us down this week, especially those of us who benched Slaton ( or MJD) for him. Teams need to learn that Kerry Collins can still thrown the ball, and they can’t just sell out to stop the Titans’ running game.

The Rams really, really need Steven Jackson back. Pittman had a good day, but he doesn’t command the defense’s respect like Jackson does. If there was any doubt, Donnie Avery IS the future of the Rams passing game, I wonder where Torry Holt will go next season.

Phillip Rivers let everyone down today, even his parents. I didn’t expect much from him against my Steelers, but I also didn’t expect him to do THIS poorly. I’m just happy that he didn’t stick me with negative points. Willie Parker looked great today, and his shoulder doesn’t appear to be an issue at all. Feel free plugging him in….until he gets hurt again.

It’s official, nobody runs harder than Marion Barber. Nobody. Tony Romo looked adequate in his return. His Pinkie looks like it’s still bothering him, so I wouldn’t expect gaudy numbers from him until it’s 100%.

• The News - Hasseljunk is back!
• The Games - Romo in - Portis out!
• The Mail - Sit LT!

• The News - Portis = strained MCL
• The Games - Thigpen? Really?
• The Questions - That’s right… We’re sitting LT!

Peyton Manning looked Manning-esque today. Of course the Colts were helped by a couple of questionable pass interference calls, but who’s keeping track. The Steelers dared Manning to go to Harrison, and he did, but either the timing is still off or Harrison is flat-out done.

It was a battle of terrible QB play between Jake Delhomme and Andrew Walter. As I heard one commentator say, “You had to REALLY love football to sit and watch this game.” DeAngelo Williams was unstoppable in this game. Maybe the Raiders can trade for him in the off-season and then his career will tank. Seriously, why would ANYONE sign with the Raiders? When was the last time a player went there and played well?

Sage Rosenfels … isn’t very good. Granted he was playing the Ravens, but still, it was awful. Good luck figuring out who will be the lead back for Denver, I mean, Baltimore each week. I half expect them to sign Najeh “Dookie” Davenport and feature him next week.

Is there anyone that plays better than Adrian Peterson when he’s mad at himself? He fumbles early, paces on the sideline and then goes back in and runs like a wrecking ball the rest of the game. I’m starting to be a little hopeful for Ryan Grant. He’s been decent the last few weeks, and if he can put up 75 and a TD against the Vikings I think there’s hope for him in the second half.

So much for the St. Louis revival. Until Steven Jackson returns there isn’t ANYONE worth starting on this team. I’m glad that I was able to trade Cotchery away a couple of weeks ago, but I do wish that I had traded for Thomas Jones. It looks like the coaches have finally figured out how to use him.

Wes Welker is PPR gold! Well, he was yardage gold today as well. Marshawn Lynch continued his struggles, at his current pace he won’t even reach 1,000 yards. I’m going to have a very tough choice with him in my keeper league this off-season. Both Edwards and Lynch should be able to put up good numbers down the stretch though. They have cake match ups 4 of the next 6 weeks. Hell, Lynch may even break the all elusive 100 yard barrier!

Chad Pennington continues to be DOMINANT. Okay, maybe not dominant, but above average at least. Raise your hand if you started Ricky Williams today. Anyone? Hasselbeck is “expected” to be back next week, you Seahawks fans sure better hope so.

Quick quiz, what cures an ailing offense? That’s right, playing the Lions. You might want to sell high on Maurice Jones-Drew, 3 of his next 4 games are against brutal match-ups. He does get Green Bay and Indy in weeks 15 and 16, so he may be worth starting then. Is the league EVER going to suspend Matt Jones? I’ve been leaving him sitting on the FA list because of this mess. I mean, come on. The guy was flat out busted not only doing cocaine, but admitted it was his and plead guilty to it. Seems pretty open and shut to me. Goodell has suspended other players for a lot less than this.

Man did Da Bears ever shut down the Tennessee running game. And Fischer said, “Turn loose the QB!” Rexy looked just like everyone thought he would. I heard Lovie Smith was at an internet café ordering a hyperbaric chamber for Kyle Orton with his own money. Luckily it doesn’t matter who Forte is playing against or who is leading the Bears offense, he’s going to get his.

Raise your hand is you had the Falcons in contention to win the NFC South. Put your hand down you liars!! Seriously, who does this Matt Ryan kid think he is coming into the league and playing like this? Doesn’t he realize that you are supposed to take 2-3 years to develop as a QB? I said it before, this kid bears serious consideration in keeper leagues, and in dynasty leagues he’s a no-brainer. Marques Colston is back, so you better be starting him every week from now on.

Then there’s the Broncos, owners of one of the worst defenses in recent memory. I’ll wait to pass judgment on Quinn until he goes up against a competent defense, but he looked pretty decent. Maybe Derek Anderson would have looked as good if the game plan had called for more dump offs to Kellen Winslow. I really thought I had something in Ryan Torain, right up until he blew out his knee. At least I own Cutler in one league. Between the lack of a running game and the porous defense I expect him to be attempting 40+ passes each week.

• The News - Hall out in Oakland!
• The Games - MJD sucks
• The Mail - Shocker vs. Snowman

• The News - The Denver Backfield
• The Games - The first Thursday
• The Mail - Snowman Strikes Again!

Tyler Thigpen’s domination continued this week. Seriously, he made Ronde Barber look BAD on that route. I thought Jamaal Charles had a high ankle sprain? Didn’t seem to slow him down one bit. LJ owners will continue to be frustrated when he returns in week 11 because he’ll probably be splitting carries with this guy.

So much for Donnie Avery’s emergence. I actually started him over Calvin Johnson this week because Johnson got shut down when he played Da Bears earlier this year. DOH!! Kind of a quiet 342 yards from Warner, none of his targets topped 100 yards. Steven Jackson… I HATE YOU!!!! You’ll be riding my bench in both leagues until you show me that you are back to 100%.

As I said above, Steven Jackson will be on my bench, partly because I have Chris Johnson to turn to. Man, did he ever go off. I’m gonna say it, Johnson and FatDale are the best 1-2 punch in the league. Johnson’s arrival has sparked White’s effort. How much do you Jennings owner hate Driver today?

Better run out and pick up Ray Rice. Oh wait, it WAS the Browns so be careful what you expect. He definitely looks better than McGahee though. Winslow and his “Staphy Ball” looked better today. Edwards looked good today, but I’m still not sold on him (or Anderson) for the second half.

You start Calvin Johnson every week no matter who he’s playing or who is throwing him the ball…I’ll try to remember this going forward (damn you Avery!). I actually think that Culpepper will help the Lions, but they REALLY need to spend their top pick on a QB next year. Kyle Orton has at LEAST a high ankle sprain, probably worse. Sorry Bears fans but say hello to Rexy!!!

Marshawn Lynch, you are right up there with Steven Jackson this week!! Between the two of you, it’ll be a miracle if I somehow pull out a “W” in my main league. Favre and Edwards seemed to be in a contest of who can throw the worst INTs today.

Adrian Peterson is starting to look more confident, and he managed to avoid fumbling today! Owen Daniels, I hate you. You stole WAY too many points from Andre Johnson today. All us Schaub owners need to hope that we can land Rosenfels in the waiver draft this week!

Were the Dolphins rolling 5 players Brandon Marshall’s way? Whoever it was on here that I told to NOT start Camarillo, I’m sorry. Never listen to me again. Thank God nobody asked me about starting Peyton Hills! If the Broncos can stop the “wildcat” then the rest of the league better be able to as well.

In case anyone has missed it, Matt Ryan is REALLY good. And today he even remembered that there are other players to throw the ball to besides Roddy White. Also just in, JaMarcus Russell is not so good. As Chandler Bing would say, “Could the Raiders BE any worse?”

I normally don’t have much love for the Giants, but they did stomp the Cowboys. So much for me thinking that Burress would re-emerge this week. You Dallas fans better hope that Romo is back soon, you don’t want to see Brooks Bollinger running the show there. Even I am starting to feel a little bad for you! Only a little though.

Congrats to whoever was desperate enough to start Brent Celek this week. If you DID have him in the lineup you must be in a 30 team league! Contrary to popular belief, it IS possible to defend Brian Westbrook. With his stat line I thought that he must have gotten hurt, but couldn’t find anything about it.

Matt Cassell “is who we thought he was”. It also appears that Manning isn’t all THAT much better at the moment. I don’t care what the coaching staff is saying, there is something wrong with him. There really wasn’t much of note in this game, something that you haven’t been able to say for the longest time.

• The News - Two turf toes?
• The Games - Detroit is somewhere around 30th in the league
• The Questions - SJax = Portis?

• The News - LJ is a biatch
• The Games - KC has an offense?
• The Questions - Blaqsmiff = Supreme Clientele

Donnie Avery looks for real, REALLY for real. I had picked him up only to drop him because I needed some RB depth. I doubt I’ll be able to get him back in the waiver draft this week. Could Randy Moss be a viable every week starter? I’m not buying it. I think you still need to play the match-up game with him.

280 and 2 TDs from Tyler Thigpen? Really? I……I don’t even know what to say.

My god Roddy White is good, and it doesn’t seem to matter who he’s playing against. Ryan and White are shaping up to be a great duo. If you’re in a keeper league you have to seriously think about these guys. Feel free to drop Buckhalter, unless you own Westbrook that is.

I don’t know what’s wrong with Colston but I hope that it’s just rust. Even Aaron Stecker was more productive than him today. Antonio Gates and Billy Miller put on a good display of TE ability for the Brits.

There wasn’t anything overly impressive in the cowboys/Buccaneers game. Terrell Owens continues to underwhelm, he’s GOT to be near the boiling point.

When Joe Flacco catches a 43 yard pass, EVERYONE involved with the defense should be ashamed, even the guys not on the field. When Joe Flacco is your second leading receiver, EVERYONE involved with the offense should be ashamed.

Seriously, what is up with Pennington? How is he putting up these numbers? Could the Jets have been better off with him instead of Favre? He may not be throwing as many TDs, but he also isn’t turning the ball over nearly as much as Favre is. Ronnie Brown sure has disappeared from the stat line lately.

Seneca Wallace seems to have found his favorite receiver in RB Leonard Weaver. They really should get this guy in the game more as a RB. Other than these two there wasn’t much to see here.

Can someone tell me what the hell happened to MJD today? Playing against the lowly Browns I thought he was a lock for 100 and a TD. Then he was shut down by the Browns “stout” defense. I guess Matt Jones just needed to hit bottom in order to decide to start working at being a good football player. I’d feel good about plugging him in each week as a WR2, and great plugging him in as a WR3.

If Andre Johnson isn’t the best WR in the league, I don’t know who is. All he does is haul in double digit catches and break the 100 yard mark almost every week. More TDs would be nice, but you can’t complain about what he’s getting you. The Bengals really may not win a game this year. At this point they look even worse than the Dolphins did last year.

Anquan Boldin is back and doesn’t look like he missed a beat. Fitz is always going to have more yards, but Boldin will get the TDs and more receptions. I like him more than Fitz in PPR leagues. Steve Breaston was still able to be productive despite the return of Boldin. The Carolina running game is quickly looking like the Broncos of years past, you just don’t know which RB is going to go off each week.

What a crappy way for the Steelers to lose this game. A botched snap for a safety and then the ensuing TD drive by the Giants. Mewelde Moore continues to look good, and I think we’re looking at a 50/50 split when Parker finally returns. The Steelers better draft some o-line help next year. Ben isn’t going to last long with the pounding that he’s taking. Picking up John Carney to cover for Matt Prater this week paid off great for me!

• The News - Brady suffers a setback
• The Games - Jolly Old London
• The Questions - Eve and the Bible

• The News - Grabbing your groin is never good
• The Games - STL going to win the division
• The Questions - Snowman Strikes Again!

How ‘bout them cowboys! Always start Steven Jackson … ALWAYS. I benched him in one league in favor of a juicy Steve Slaton matchup. DOH! Now I just hope his injury isn’t serious. Dallas better hope that Romo can get back on the field soon … Brad Johnson isn’t going to get it done.

I don’t know what to say about the 49ers – Giants game other than man do I love watching Jacobs run. Can you imagine anything scarier on the field that being a cornerback and having this guy coming at you at full speed? I guess maybe if he had a knife it would be scarier.

Did I mention that I HATE myself for not picking up Kyle Orton a couple weeks ago? If Frerotte can stop throwing to the other team, the Vikes might actually go somewhere this season. What the hell happened to their defense?!?!?!! I reached for them in both drafts I was in this year, never again will I reach for a defense. NEVER!

Damn my Steelers are looking good!!! OK, it was against the Bengals, but they still look good. Sorry Bengals fans, but I think that you guys will be lucky to win a single game this year, especially with Palmer looking to be out for the season. There’s really no point in him playing, so they should sit him down. Somehow Chocko Stinko found the end zone and had a good day. But did anyone actually start him? Didn’t think so. Santonio Holmes is going to be a beast next season, mark it down.

I also hate myself for dropping Delhomme a few weeks back to pick up Hasselbeck. Wish I could go back and do that one over. He and Steve Smith look like they are clicking again. I’m glad that my trade offer for Reggie Bush was turned down. His knee seems to be worse than they let on. He’s off to see the dreaded Dr. James Andrews this week. I have a bad feeling about this. My condolences go out to everyone (like me) that started Colston today.

I’m REALLY glad that I traded Tomlinson away in my keeper league for Steven Jackson before the start of the year. LT2’s days as the overwhelmingly dominant RB are over. He’s still getting you decent numbers, but certainly not first overall pick numbers. I hate you Lee Evans. For years I drafted you only to have you let me down or blow up while on my bench, and this year I pass on you and you’re off to a very good start.

Joey Porter seems to be having something of a career resurgence. Good for him. I was disappointed when the Steelers let him go. While we’re talking resurgence, I want everyone on the Ravens defense tested! I don’t know what happened in the off season, but man are they ever back to their old form. Chad Pennington certainly seems to like playing in Miami. He’s looking like THE old Chad Pennington instead of AN old Chad Pennington.

I’m also glad that my trade offer for Brandon Marshal was turned down. I was willing to give up Andre Johnson and Chris Johnson a few weeks ago, but Andre is looking like a monster right now. Thank god for the deep bomb, otherwise Calvin Johnson would have let me down big time. Orlovsky managed to remember the field dimensions today, and he didn’t look too bad throwing the ball.

The Redskins have come back to earth big time. They are still managing to win, but their offense isn’t rolling like it was. Other than Portis that is. That guy is on a tear. So much for the Browns getting ready to go on a roll again.

Peyton Manning and the Colts still don’t look right. Rhodes should continue to be a good start until Addai is back. Even after Addai comes back you can expect a workload split like they had in their championship year. If you have Ryan Grant (like me) I’d try to sell high on him. He finally had a good day, but look at his yards per carry average. Even yesterday he only managed 3.4, which isn’t great. I will be trying to trade him for some help at WR.

Brett Favre looked, well, God awful. HE is the only reason the Raiders won this game. The Raiders certainly didn’t do anything on offense worthy of getting the “W”.

Jeff Garcia plays REALLY well when he’s mad at his coach. If the Bucs start to struggle, Gruden should bench him for a game or two to get him mad again. Seahawks fans, you are in for a long year. With only one win under their belt there doesn’t appear to be any reason to rush Hasselbeck back, and without him they aren’t going to do anything on offense. I’m dumping Engram this week for, well, I’ll have to see.

Enjoy the Monday night game!

• The News - Romo not out?
• The Games - Ced Benson a starter?
• The Question - Loaded with talent

• The News - Unholy Cowboys
• The Games - Upset Week
• The Questions - Ehff the phone calls

I don’t know who looked better today, Buckhalter or Gore. The 49ers finally got Vernon Davis involved, but don’t rush out and pick him up or plug him into your starting lineup. What happened to Lorenzo Booker being a Westbrook clone?

Man, I love seeing the cowboys (lowercase on purpose) lose. It’s almost as good as seeing my Steelers win. Congrats to all of you who swooped in and picked up Steve Breaston two weeks ago. I think that he’ll continue to have value even after Boldin is back. And if Boldin leaves next season, Breaston could be a great value. 11 catches for Marion Barber?!?!! I bet T.O. will be pouting this week.

If Matt Jones could only find the end zone, he’d be an every-week starter, especially in PPR leagues. Remember the name Ryan Torain. The rookie RB will be coming off of IR soon and he just might be this year’s version of Ryan Grant. His running style fits the Denver blocking scheme, and Selvin Young hasn’t looked like the answer—and he’s hurt…again.

I don’t know how you can bench Roddy White. Congrats to whoever started Matt Ryan (I’m looking at you, Mrs. Ryan). Not much else to say here, other than if you own Forte and aren’t starting him each and every week, you don’t deserve to have him on your roster. Did anyone out there have the Falcons starting 4-2? Sure you did.

Thank God Matt Schaub is back. Of course, as an Andre Johnson owner I’m biased toward whatever makes him blow up during a game. I wish I had picked up Chad Pennington. I think that he has more value than Hasselbeck (my QB2). Did anyone start Patrick Cobbs? If you did, you must be in a 30-team league.

Looks like Jason Campbell has come back to earth a little, and Santana Moss has turned in back-to-back stinkers. It may be time to start worrying. If you drafted Torry Holt, I feel for you. It looks like he’s done. He hasn’t had more than 80 yards or more than 6 catches in a single game yet this season. He has to turn it around sometime, I’m just not sure when it will happen.

I’m hating Warrick Dunn. Yes, I own Earnest Graham, so that’s why. The talk of Jake Delhomme’s resurgence seems to have been a bit premature. I think that he is still working back into the game, but there is reason to be optimistic. His yardage has been increasing, he just need to dial in his accuracy.

Sorry Bengals fans, but in case you didn’t get the memo, the Bengals are done. Palmer is getting his elbow looked at by the Mets team doctor. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him placed on IR soon. I don’t think there will be a coaching change until the offseason, though. I figure they’ll ride it out and take the high draft picks. If there is a more overrated WR than Chad Johnson, please tell me who you think it is.

I hate myself for not picking up Lance Moore. The Raiders will never be good again until Al Davis is out of the picture. My money is on him ending up having to pay Lane Kiffin, no matter how much money he spends trying to get out of it. I think that Brees is the best fantasy QB this season. He’s putting up huge games and he’s doing it without his top receiving options. Just wait until Colston and Shockey are back.

Okay, it’ll be a three-way race for the top pick next year between the Bengals, Raiders, and Lions. Bernard Berrian is looking really good with Frerotte in the lineup. Who knew?

I’m officially worried about Joseph Addai. I know he was hurt this week, but he didn’t look good at all even before that. You likely don’t have any better options, but if you do, I’d bench him until he shows us something. I still think that Ray Rice has more value than McGahee. He’s a better receiver, and I think he has better speed. If any of you started LaRon McClain, wow, are you mad right now.

Bill Belichick is proving just how arrogant he is by sticking with Cassel—the guy is just plain awful. I understand that a new QB would take time to learn the offense, but if Belichick had signed someone back in week 2, wouldn’t he be mostly up to speed by now? With the emergence of the Bills and Jets, and the Dolphins showing signs of life, I think the Pats are looking to miss the playoffs. They should finish with a better record that Miami (”should” being the operative word).

Well, that’s about everything that I learned this week. Enjoy the Monday night game everyone!

• The News - LT’s big toe, still an issue
• The Games - Colston could see action
• The Questions - Nice sis pic!

• The News - Lot’s of QBs banged up…
• The Games - Phriggin Philly
• The Questions - Shocker, raising the game

• The News - Big Ben Ailing
• The Games - Seattle has WRs!
• The Questions - Man love for Roy Williams?

• The News - Big problems at RB in Pitt.
• The Games - Hey KC you found Larry Johnson
• The Questions - Erndog is back

• The News - Lots of toes and groins
• The Games - Kev has man-love for Chris Perry
• The Questions - Snowman is at it again!

• The News - FWP out?
• The Games - Brian and his Lions suck!
• The Questions - Jagwired - not so much!

• The News - Lot’s of toes
• The Games - Robinson is back in Seattle
• The Q’s - We pick a dudes whole team and his wardrobe

• The News - LT has a bad wheel
• The Games - Bad Call Broncos
• The Questions - It’s all about Sproles

• The News - High profile Injuries
• The Games - Remember, Courtney Taylor
• The Phone - Hello?

Now, you may have chalked up the whole thing to happenstance and a fluke play on Bernard Pollard’s part (unless you’re Randy Moss, that is). However, I have no doubt that the fantasy gods saw what was going on in drafts this year and were very displeased. Mr. Pollard was simply the tool with which they chose to smite the fantasy infidels. (No, Mr. Pollard, I didn’t just call you a tool; well, not a “tool.”) The fantasy gods are vengeful gods. It might be time to consider sacrificing a virgin. (Not to advocate suicide for so many of you. I kid, I kid.)?

But we warned you about the pitfalls of taking a quarterback in the first round of your draft. We hit you with all kinds of stats, trends, historical analysis, and enough “magic formulas” to make Walt Disney blush. We told you that a QB coming off one of the greatest seasons in NFL history had nowhere to go but down, and that wasn’t even taking the risk of injury into account. But nooooo, you just couldn’t resist, could you? You couldn’t say no to Brady’s rugged good looks, his babe impregnating prowess, and his fancy-schmancy 50 touchdown passes from 2007 (passes, mind you, worth nothing this year). You had to have him. So much so, that his average draft position on many sites this summer was as high as fifth or sixth overall. Ridiculous.

And now what do you do? Hopefully you grabbed another decent QB, but I?m guessing you didn’t, because you probably spent the next seven or eight draft picks on running backs, wide receivers, and early tight ends to try to cover up the cascading holes you created by taking Brady in the first round. Your backup QB is (if you’re lucky!) likely of the Jason Campbell, Jon Kitna ilk. You also probably said to yourself, “Who cares about the one bye week if I’m rolling Brady the other 12?” Well, now you care. And now you’ll be rueing that Brady pick for the next 12 weeks, as other teams beat you like a Tibetan monk at a Chinese police picnic.

Some of you are probably getting defensive, saying, “The RB I would’ve drafted in the first round could’ve been injured just as easily.” And to you I’d say: Well, he wasn’t. Not yet at least. And if he was, at least you?d still have a top QB to rely on, as opposed to now, when you’re stuck with a lower-tier QB and, at best, second- and third-round RBs. Trust me on this. I drafted Shaun Alexander with the eighth overall pick last year and still made it to the second round of the playoffs because I drafted Brady in the third round! You can survive the loss of a big RB, especially if your league is configured with flex spots, etc., that compel you to draft depth at the skill positions.

But am I saying this is an injury that’s impossible to recover from? No, not at all. The best and brightest among you will recover from the loss and go on to successful seasons, assuming you hit on some sleepers and can make a couple clutch free agent pickups. Trust me, I know. I?m a guy who owned Brady last year and got knocked out of the playoffs by a team that started Sage “The Jewish Rifle” Rosenfels at QB in Week 15. You don’t need a top guy to win, just a hot guy. (Wait…you know what I mean.) The point is, it’s only week two, bye weeks haven’t even started yet, and you’re stuck cringing at your new number one QB?s matchup while sifting through the fantasy dumpster, trying to decide if Matt Cassel can actually do anything that doesn’t involve a clipboard, or if Vince Young is totally batshit crazy? That?s the type of thing you want to be doing for speculation’s sake, for fun, not out of desperation.

Suddenly fantasy football seems a little less fun, doesn’t it? Unless you’re one of the 11 owners in your league who didn’t draft Brady. In that case, you?re probably basking in the schadenfreude and finding this article infinitely more amusing. Remember, kids, take an RB in the first round next year.

It’s the will of the Gods!!

• The News - Something happened in New England.
• The Games - ATL atop the division
• The Questions - Easy guys… it’s week 1!

It was a weird draft to begin with. There was a huge run on RBs after I grabbed Addai with the 1:5 pick, so by the time the snake got back around to me in round two, there was absolutely no round two RB value left. I had to go WR (Reggie Wayne). Same thing in Round three…WR (Andre Johnson). In round four, I had to go RB, so I grabbed Turner…then got Run dMc in round 5. Magic formula complete. But enough about me…

At some point, one of the drafters left the room for some reason, leaving autodraft on. His first few picks were ok, but nothing to write home about. Peyton in round one…Ocho Cinco in round two…Holt in round three. I finally realized that he had ducked out when he picked Eli in round four. Eli and Peyton both have week 4 byes. The AUTODRAFT had kicked in.

Things only got worse from there. In round five, the autodraft treated him to Shaun Alexander. Yes, THAT Shaun Alexander. Round six was much better with a Tony Gonzalez pick at TE…early but at least he’s on a roster. In round seven, the autodraft got caught up in a kicker run, and landed Adam Vinatieri. Again, waaay early, but he’s on a team at least.

The autodraft must have found its stride then, because the next few picks, while questionable, were at least reasonable. Rudi in round eight, the Bears D in round nine, and Javon Walker in round ten. Then it all went to hell. Autodraft picked Henry in round eleven. Not Chris Henry. TRAVIS Henry. Autodraft then decided that this poor bastard needed a backup TE, so it went and got Alge in round 12, who has the same bye week as Tony G. Thanks autodraft!

Nothing like having a backup kicker, just in case, right? Autodraft thinks so, so my man got Robbie Gould in round 13. At least his bye week is different than Vinatieri’s! Unfortunately, you can’t say the same thing for the backup D that autodraft got for my bud in round 14…the Broncos! Week 8 bye…same as the Bears. DOH!

Let’s do a small recap. On this guy’s roster, he has Shaun Alexander and Travis Henry, two RBs that (as of this writing) are not on a team. One of them WON’T be on a team this year for certain (smoke up, Travis!), and the other probably shouldn’t be. What could make matters worse, you ask? You got it! Cedric Benson was nabbed with the round 15 pick. You ROCK autodraft!

The good news is, autodraft recognized that it made an error in grabbing a backup QB that had the same bye week as the starter, so it graciously opted for a third QB in round 16. Alex Smith! Woohoo!

Round 17 was a relatively benign little choice of Darrell Jackson from Denver. After all that tasty autodraft goodness, it seems almost…anti-climatic.

Watch this guy win the whole damn league.

You might remember that at this time last year I warned you about the different characters you’d encounter at your fantasy draft. That, my young Padawans, was only the first lesson. This year, I’m back to give you the lowdown on the draft itself, and what you should and should not be doing with your league when the big day arrives. (I’m assuming, of course, that your league will draft together as a group, in person; if you only participate in online drafts, you’re missing much of the point, but that’s another article). So whether you’re the sucker stuck running your league’s draft, or just the poor schlub with the last pick, you’ll want to heed my every word. After all, draft day is the day you look forward to all year, right? Don’t screw this up!

DO have ten or 12 teams in your league. These 6- or 8-team leagues I’ve seen are a joke, where even the guys on the waiver wire are studs. These leagues are like those cartoons where Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck stand at close range, shooting each other in the face with cannons. There’s no skill involved! Everyone just points their big guns at everyone else and hopes for the best. If you need more friends, put up a post in the forums! Conversely, anything larger than 12 teams is just too much. I’ve been in some of these 14-, 16-, and even 20-team leagues, and, I’m sorry, if I have no choice but to draft and start a Bears wide receiver or a Texans running back, I’m taking my ball and going home. Find a balance, people. Ten to 12 teams is just the right size.

DON’T hold your draft any earlier than the third week of the preseason. Hey, we’re all excited as hell for the football season, but there’s no reason to jump the gun and suffer from “premature draft-ulation.” There’s still way too much left up in the air at this point. The starters haven’t played enough meaningful time, position battles are still going on, and guys are going to get hurt in the last couple games. It’s just too early. Hell, even the Cardinals still look good! If you must get your fix, head over to Mock Draft Central and practice. Sure, it’s the nonalcoholic beer of fantasy drafts, but you’re just looking for a taste anyway. And you won’t be making any mistakes that you’ll have to live with all year. I’m looking at you, guy who took Willis McGahee in the second round on July 28. (Oh, but don’t worry, running backs with bad knees always come back strong, and right away. Promise.)

DO hold your draft at a restaurant or bar. Many establishments are actually catering to fantasy football drafts nowadays, offering private rooms, specials on food and drinks, and reliable WiFi access. That’s friggin’ clutch, because then you don’t have to spend five hours cramped with 11 other dudes in a basement swamped with mildew and beer farts. You also don’t have to worry about spilled beverages, missed toilets, and your bitterest rivals knowing where you live. The only downside is the potential cost, but if you can’t pony up for the single most important day of the season, it might be time for a little heart-to-heart with your balls. Call it a “gut check”—whatever. This is an investment in your season.

DON’T hold your draft at a strip bar! Yes, a lot of them are offering attractive packages, but therein lies the one major drawback: distraction. This applies to places like Hooters, too. Some of the troglodytes in your league have enough trouble concentrating during drafts on your back patio while your neighbor’s wife weeds her garden. How are they going to cope with Melissa Midwest gyrating in front of the draft board? (I’ll wait while you Google her….Finished?) If you do go this route, don’t blame me when you end up drafting John David Booty, Reggie Bush, Jerious Norwood, Steve Breaston, James Hardy, and Neil Rackers. (Sensing a theme here?)

DO make your league a points-per-reception league. Take back some of the power from the running backs in your draft, and screw the yardage purists. Sure, RB’s will still be by far the most valuable players in your league, since all but Rudi Johnson will also benefit from the PPR scoring, but it adds another wrinkle to your strategy, and it may make for some tougher (and occasionally easier) decisions on draft day. I even recommend tossing in some bonus scoring, too.

DON’T make your league an individual defensive player league. I know, you’re a savvy fan and IDP leagues let you prove it to your buddies. But you’ll soon realize the error of your ways, having extended your draft by 11 roster spots and, more importantly, about three hours. While you’re at it, why not draft offensive linemen and punters? Get yourself a backup long snapper in the thirty-ninth round. It’s called “fantasy football” for a reason, professor. If you want a true simulation, play Head Coach 09.

DO collect all of your league fees before the start of your draft. I don’t care how easygoing you want to be, you need to get all payments up front. Everybody knows at least one of those “spot me now and I’ll pay you later” guys. Accommodate him, and the next thing you know, you’re getting every excuse in the book. He has to pay child support. His strung-out sister needs “medicine.” A relative of deposed Nigerian royalty cleaned out his bank account. Then November rolls around, his team is 1-9, and he’s lost all interest in the league. Good luck collecting. Screw that! Nobody drafts before they pay up. Somebody forgot his wallet? Enact a Goodfellas-style pistol-whipping in the driveway—you know, as a reminder for next year.

DON’T play in a league with your spouse or girlfriend. Look, I love my wife dearly. I’d take a bullet for her, but we’ll never play in a fantasy league together. There’s sharing common interests, and then there’s surrendering your most precious men-only outlet. This is the latter. Every guy needs an escape where he can act like an ass, string together obscure movie references, and discuss the finer points of good cleavage in his most colorful language. Even if you’re the lucky SOB who found someone so special that she can roll with this, her presence will stifle other league members. Trades can look like collusion, you’ll never hear the end of it if she beats you (oh, and she will), and God help you in the bedroom after you run some smack her way on the league Web site. You wouldn’t sleep with the dudes in your league, so don’t play fantasy football with your lady. It’s not cute. Or maybe it is. And maybe that’s the worst part.

So there you have it. Commit these rules to memory, follow them to the letter, and you’ll enjoy a more rewarding fantasy football experience. Besides, you can still go the nudie bar after the draft.

As always, feel free to post your own ideas in the forums.

Standard Deviation
Last year in my article on the Magic Formula, I described standard deviation. It’s the amount one thing differs, on average, from another. For our purposes here, think of it as the “plus or minus.” We’ve all heard someone say, “He scores an average of 30 points, plus or minus 5.” That plus or minus is the standard deviation. If you’re a masochist, go ahead and read the Wikipedia entry. As for understanding it completely, don’t worry; what’s important to know is that it measures consistency. From a fantasy perspective, “consistency” refers to how widely varying a player’s point total will be from week to week. The smaller the point swing, the smaller the standard deviation, and thusly the more consistent a player is.

For the 2007 season, who was the best fantasy QB? Tom Brady, of course. But what if I asked you this: Who was the most consistent QB? Tom Brady? Nope. It was David Garrard. To help you understand what I’m talking about, let’s take a look at the top five fantasy QBs. [For more players and positions, download my Excel spreadsheet.]

Now compare that to a list of the most consistent QBs, those with the lowest standard deviation.

As you can see, this is a very different list. Some of the QBs’ point totals here are actually quite low. Standard deviation, remember, can only tell us how consistent a player is. So in the case of Tarvaris Jackson, for example, the standard deviation alone does us no good because Jackson is consistently bad. On that basis, standard deviation alone is basically a useless stat in fantasy football. However, if we take a player’s standard deviation and subtract it from his weekly scoring output, we end up with an incredibly useful number, his minimum expected value.

Minimum expected value (MEV) is best defined as the lowest total points per week you can expect from any given player. By knowing this number, you can predict a player’s relative value. David Garrard, for example, can reasonably be expected to score at least 12.07 points each week (his average, 18 points, minus his standard deviation, 5.93 points). Take a look at the top five QBs by MEV.

Each week, we can expect Tom Brady to put up at least 18.73 points. No, he won’t do it every week, but he’s likely to do it much more often than not, and more importantly, he’s likely to do it way more often than anyone else. So there, that proves it: Tom Brady is the top fantasy QB. Duh. No, the real benefit of MEV is that it highlights guys like David Garrard and Big Ben, too. In fact, on a weekly basis, we can expect Garrard to outscore every QB in the NFL besides Brady. The math doesn’t lie, and if you subscribe to the theory that consistency is king, MEV can be an invaluable compass come draft day, especially as you hunt for value in the middle rounds, where championship seasons are truly built. Where did Garrard, Hasselbeck, and Big Ben go in your draft last year? I bet it wasn’t in the first five rounds.

The best part about MEV is that it’s universal. It works across players, teams, sports…you name it. Check the spreadsheet again where I detail QBs, RBs, WRs, and TEs. Just a quick glance and you’ll see why guys like Garrard, Ronnie Brown, and Andre Johnson could be the key to your season.

Discussion
After this article was posted, TFFG forum member 7grain pointed out an important fact about SD and MEV on the comments thread: “One Standard Deviation, by definition, encompasses 68% of occurrances. (34% above the average, and 34% below the average). Beyond one STD is 32% of occurrences: 16% above 1 STD and 16% below 1 STD. So you could “geek it up” a little bit more, but not scare people away, by saying that a player beat their MEV 84% of the time. And that’s 11 games out of a 13 game season.” If it seems like too much, just know this: He is absolutely right. Any player should beat their MEV 84% of the time.

There are two ways to look at the Ravens offense and what they need to do to get back to the playoffs. The old way and the new way. The old way is the Steelers way…draft well, build your team from within, and keep your best players. The new way is draft well, build your team from within, keep your best players, and score big in free agency. The Ravens really need to go the new way. Drafting a QB this year will NOT get them to the promised land quick enough to suit the fans OR the front office. Not to Mention Ray, whose window is closing fast. The bad news is, the free agent pool isn’t very deep this year in the areas that the Ravens need to address. But the news isn’t all bad.

QB
Kyle Boller isn’t the answer, and Steve McNair should hang ‘em up. They need a QB badly…here are the FA choices:

Derek Anderson, RFA - Would have to give up a lot to get him.
Rex Grossman, UFA - Boller may be better.
Daunte Culpepper, UFA - It’s doubtful whether or not he will ever return to his old level of play.
Josh McCown, UFA - May be the best choice of the bunch.
Quinn Gray, UFA - Played well when given the chance, but remain unproven as “The Man”.
Ken Dorsey UFA - Please.
Ryan Fitzpatrick RFA - Who?
Drew Henson UFA - Uh, yeah.
Cleo Lemon UFA - Could be a decent candidate…seriously.
Jared Lorenzen UFA - More of a sideshow act than an NFL QB.
Jamie Martin UFA - Didn’t know he was even still playing.
Anderson would be a great fit, but The Browns have indicated that they plan of keeping him. McCown is an interesting option. He played ok when given the chance in Arizona, but then Leinart came along. He had some success, pre-injury, with the Raiders. Cleo Lemon did a decent job on an awful Miami team, but I think Ravens fans would burn down M&T if he was signed as the QB of the future.

Maybe sign McCown AND draft a QB is the option. Josh is capable of managing the team, and the youngster can season for a season (!) and the Ravens can shoot for 2009. I wouldn’t draft my QB in the first round, though. More on that later.

WR

Like a lot of teams, the Ravens are short a playmaker at WR. Here’s the list of FA WRs:

Randy Moss, UFA

Bernard Berrian, UFA

Patrick Crayton, UFA

Bryant Johnson, UFA

Drew Carter, UFA

Andre’ Davis UFA

Justin Gage UFA

Devery Henderson, UFA

Antonio Chatman UFA

Keary Colbert UFA

Terrance Copper UFA

Malcom Floyd RFA

Doug Gabriel UFA

D.J. Hackett UFA

Az-Zahir Hakim UFA

Taylor Jacobs UFA

Jerome Mathis RFA

Samie Parker UFA

David Patten UFA

Marcus Robinson UFA

I don’t see Moss anywhere but New England next year, so take him off of the list. Do you see a #1 WR in there anywhere? MAYBE Crayton, if he can stay healthy and not be a pinhead. MAYBE Henderson, if he can stay healthy. Maybe Berrian, if he has the right QB (hey, Grossman is a FA…bring them both in!). I like Hackett a lot, but I think Seattle will try to keep him (and I think he’s more of a slot guy). Bryant Johnson from the Cardinals is interesting, but he was disappointing in the time he had to start in place of Boldin and Fitz this year. None of the other guys are that impressive, but many of them are better than what the Ravens have and a few could emerge if given a chance. The Ravens can look to the draft for a WR, but not in the first round.

RB

Willis McGahee proved that he is one of the best RBs in the league…not a top 5 guy, but certainly top 10. Musa Smith is a capable backup. The Ravens lack depth at the position, and can find value in the draft in the 3rd and 4th rounds.

O-Line

HERE’S where the first round pick is! This year, OT talent is all over the first round, and with Ogden deciding if he wants to play a 13th year, the Ravens could secure the spot for another 12 years. Jake Long from Michigan may not make it to pick #8, but Sam Baker from USC might, and Chris Williams from Vandy most certainly will. Even Jeff Otah from Pitt is intriguing. Not the sexiest choice for a first round pick, but downright necessary if the Ravens hope to improve on a 5-11 season and compete in the AFC North any time in the near future.

I invite spirited debate on these opinions, as always.